Lowfat or Lean - these are generally athletes, runners especially. Offensive linemen (in football) might be an exception to this rule. Remember: a lowfat snack will be a little more muscular and as such, tougher to chew.
Light - generally refers to snacks under 5' tall.
Greek Style - clothing free, just like the ancient Olympians.
Frozen - hang them from hooks in the walk-in freezer, but make sure you have the teeth to manage.
Blended - these snacks have just had a snack of their own. Hit the middle, and get a mashed up surprise! What did your snack have for lunch?
But when you only to manage to grab one of the slow ones, say an old man with a walker or a kid who is still pretty uncoordinated, you can't beat slow cooking with a little bay leaf. The slightly floral aroma is just magic, and it takes the bitterness out of old bones.
I must say, having a score of rather long tentacles myself, their function as monstrous apparatuses is far overrated. Without proper skeletal structure, the poor things just tire too easily, especially when squishing humans. Then what am I left with? Long, floppy-rubber arms.