A Guide to Nutrition: Part 1

Labels can be confusing, but we're here to help.

• Lowfat or Lean - these are generally athletes, runners especially. Offensive linemen (in football) might be an exception to this rule. Remember: a lowfat snack will be a little more muscular and as such, tougher to chew.
  
• Light - generally refers to snacks under 5' tall.
• Greek Style - clothing free, just like the ancient Olympians.
• Frozen - hang them from hooks in the walk-in freezer, but make sure you have the teeth to manage.
• Blended - these snacks have just had a snack of their own. Hit the middle, and get a mashed up surprise! What did your snack have for lunch?

Advice for Writers

Don't hit 'em with the sledgehammer too early...kills the suspense.

Start small, say with a 16 oz hammer to the big toe. Bring in the knives later. The blood congeals and clogs the keyboard, so take it easy.